What Sparks Joy?

{I decided to write this post after a conversation Ryan and I had last weekend...}

In a perfect world, Ryan and I would spend half of our time together sewing and drawing and coming up with creative projects that could some day shape my future professional career, he would challenge me creatively, making me think out of the box, we would spend entire afternoons on a fabric store, going from Michael's to Joann's to District Fabric and Nancy's sewing basket after that, touching every material, comparing ribbons and threads, measuring and dreaming of all the next projects that were to come. We would come home, make some Earl Grey tea and start all this projects and making a difference in the world.

And the other half of our time, we would be reading (for example) history books about the Spanish Imperialism and the Spanish American War of 1898. The policy of extending the rule or authority of an empire or nation over foreign countries, or of acquiring and holding colonies and dependencies during the times of Columbus, it's pros and cons...

Then we would talk for hours, back and forth about our thoughts and ideas about the United States and it's war with Spain, several hundred years after Imperialism was a popular policy and the world was yet to be fully explored. And why it was a bad idea for Spain and a bad idea for the U.S.

Then we would pray together and thank God for a perfect day and go to bed, ready for the next one.

But I never searched for this kind of perfect and the truth is, we both come from different backgrounds, cultures, countries and as good as my english gets over the years I will never be able to communicate 100% all my feelings and get to the same intellectual level as him.

This past weekend Ryan and I had a conversation about what fills us as individuals and what challenges our intelects. How there are areas in a relationship that are not natural for your partner to be a part of. I personally always need to be creatively challenged in order to be full and happy. Whether I am working on a project that requires my imagination to come up with a concept and a story, or create a clothing piece I want to wear or simply taking pictures of everything that gets my attention to help me see and keep the beauty in front of my eyes and then go home edit these photos or videos, journal... In his own words; he is still trying to understand my world and laughs at how I can daydream so much and still function. I am also an introvert and I need to have my space to think clearly. I could easily just be alone in my creative world working between projects and taking naps at my leisure, I´m spanish ya know!

But I just know I can't ask Ryan to be always a part of this; to come hang out with me in my treehouse cutting patterns, organizing threads, measuring things or to draw while we listen to Dolly Parton. I mean I guess I could, and I think he would do it or at least try, but it would not be natural or I would probably scare him, or I simply think we would not connect the same way we do other things. I can't ask him to be like me and challenge me creatively. It's not who he is.

Ryan on the other side is a deep thinker, very smart, always reading and educating himself, a chronic learner (Did I just make this up) among many other great things. He reads books that take a special kind of brain to understand or at least not mine. It could easily take me a year to complete a book that he can "eat" in a few days... (Sometimes I don't even understand the titles of them, which is a bad start).

I clearly stretch one side of the brain 95% of the time (guess which one?) and I'm sometimes too lazy to interact with the other side. And he is clearly a left brainer. Kuddos to those who can do both! But hey! I can read an online recipe and make my own variation and still be edible (sometimes!). Yes I take credit for that, could be considered as math right?! Or maybe science? 😜

What I am trying to say is, that we can't do everything with each other and feel connected or satisfied. Some couples do everything together and they find happiness doing so, but it's not us. So what we do is; I hang out on Saturday mornings with some ladies at my college who's average age is 75, sewing all morning and chatting about their cats being naughty, or complaining on how they can't thread the needle because they can't see 😅. It's actually very refreshing to be around them, they are kind, caring and laugh at life's simple's things. My way of being intelectual is to figure out how to read pattern instructions or learn a new design software. I guess I learn Adobe Illustrator, how a sewing machine works, how to make a costume from scratch and make a website and he is capable of putting a fundraising event together, read big words and understand scripture 100 times better than I can. That's what makes us unique.

If Ryan needs to be intellectually challenged, he goes to spend a rainy afternoon with his friend Paul who is in his late 70's to talk about life. Paul challenges Ryan intellectually, he makes him think. Ryan is hungry for his knowledge and enjoys picking his brain and he is just happy he can share his thoughts and ideas with him.

Before I met him I secretly knew that the person I would do life with would be a left brainer. For some reason, I didn't think I could connect with another artist. I wanted to be admired for my work, not by the rest of the world but by him. I wanted a person that my world would be so foreign to him that it would fascinate him. Does that make sense?

I feel that way for him, I might not always show it, but his intelect impresses me, the way he remembers facts and exact dates is fascinating to me, as someone who sometimes forgets the year I was born or how old I am... The way his eyes light up when he talks about the Spanish Imperialism or things he learned in Colombia and Cuba and how he plans his future travels based on the books he is reading is pricesless. It also fascinates me how many books he checks out from the library every month eventhough I can hardly understand the title of it.

ADMIRE one another. See the beauty in your differences and always try to respect the genius and intellect of your partner! And be a special guest in each other's world, that kind that gets invited over and over.

We need to try to make the other person a part of your world at times without being too painful. We can't be foreigners of each other's worlds, it's good to step in and say hi! Staying interested and asking each other; What are you making? What are you reading? What are you going to read next? And listen. Sometimes being a good boyfriend means posing for a picture next to a colorful tree with your girlfriend's favorite bag so she can post it on social media (#instagramboyfriend). It's the little things right? ;). And some other times being a good girlfriend means watching an hour long documentary that makes your brain bleed.

What are your thoughts on this? Is your relationship like ours? Do you come from different worlds? Watch the video below, this couple's story is totally the opposite, they complement each other because they come from same worlds (design/creative), but their different personalities complement each other. I secretly admire them!

This video is from the series Working Together from the creatives behind The Fresh Exchange, which is a little different from what I just wrote about, but covers some of the ideas I shared and how their similarities work very well together. In their case, inside their similarities and same design background they have their differences and they explain how they complement each other. I said earlier in this post that since a very young age I knew I would not do life with an artist or creative, and it has been proven to be right! I feel I am very similar to Megan, the way our brain works, check them out!